I AM THIS STRONG! I PROMISE!

Hi, dear.....
it was 2 weeks ago when I had a farewell party with one of the best lecturers I have, Bu Evi Eliyanah....

which one is the lecturer ?

She will depart to Oz to pursue her Ph.D.  Lord, what a bless YOU give for a bright and excellent lecturer like her...
I experienced being taught by her twice, on my Basic English Grammar and Critical Listening class. Well, FYI, my 21st birthday was celebrated on her class, hehe.

I learned many things from her, It's such a honor to be taught by her.

On the farewell party, we watched a documentary film about a prostitution in Trenggalek, and a discussion afterwards.
Finished with the discussion, Bu Evi continued with how the story relates with our life. And her tough life as well.
It was a very touching story, dear .....

and I remember her words exactly,

"You have to push yourself that hard. Get out from your comfort zone."

You know, dear...
Bu Evi cried when uttering those words, and so did we. It started with Sita who said, "Maam, we won't meet you again after this. We'll be missing you"....  Yes, Sita said it with tears. Then most of us couldn't hold our tears also....

I was very touched by her words. It was awakening me. Thanks, maam :)

Dear, to tell you the truth,
During these months, I got a problem - a big one. Perhaps it sounds silly for you - and for any other youths.

Dear, I'm in love.

And I'm in love with a guy who has a girlfriend already.

You can simply say "Ignore him! find another one!" if you hear me saying that, yes, I'm in love.
What's worse, for 22 years I live, this is the first time I fall in love with a guy - a guy I really meet in the real world and am interacting with.

I used to be a fan of my teacher - and what's worse, I was kinda exaggerating.
If my teacher were a member of JKT48, I am surely a wota of her. Yes, my affection to my teacher was in a Wota level. (hehe, I finally understand the term "WOTA" after being a fan of JKT48, lol). Many friends said that I care about her too much.

It is a mistake. I admit it. And I regret, now I have promised myself not to focus on her too much, I forget my longing feeling of being taught by her, and I let myself busy in my activities as an English Tutor, Senator, and a senior student.
Allah is kind, He gave me an object to distract me from my teacher, a very fabulous one. He's my friend in this university.

I didn't realize when my heart was brought by his wave and then drowned inside his ocean.
I didn't realize it at all, suddenly I feel hopeless inside his wave. I couldn't do anything but hoping. A wish I sing inside these tears. When I realized that I can't reach him although I have a very good interaction with him....

A friend said to me, "Ngie, you can't put your hopes on him. His heart is locked already"

You know how much that hurts. I believe that all of you know it better than me, dear... This is the first time for me to fall in love with a guy, and I haven't been in a relationship before.

I couldn't do anything but to let myself burst into tears.
And I keep on hoping for him but I can't get him. I can't make him mine...

It's very hard to kick this feeling out of my heart. Harder than anything. Harder than doing a thesis. Harder than doing 100 physics test items. When he's always around. Along with the melody played in my mind.

I can't stand of it.
It hurts indeed.

Now, after 22 years living in this world, I finally know how it feels to fall in love and got broken heart at the same time. I fell into ruins.  I simply have no passion to do anything.
In short, is it what-so-called depression?

A friend told me,
"Ngie, you are multi-talented. There are many things in front of you that can make you shine"

I try to distract myself from this affection. I dared myself to do so.
I tried to dare myself to do some things unusual that can refresh my feeling. And I tried to....

perform HEAVY ROTATION DANCE on sastra soultime 4!! hahaha...
believe me ? believe me? I Danced HEAVY ROTATION!

OK, I don't want to talk too much about that event. I danced poorly, you know.

The most important thing is the efforts I do for moving on. Yea, moving on is hard, I know.
I remember what Bu Evi said, that I have to push myself this hard, push myself from this affection....

I'm saying to myself,

I am this strong. I am this tough. God set me to be a fighter. Anxiety due to this affection should not make me fall down.
Although it's very hard, but I keep on fighting!!

Bismillah! Taiyou shita waratte, utare, odore, JIYUU NI!!

Senators Night Out!

Dear, long time no post =)
Living life as a senator is not as hectic as being a legatoer, actually. But I'm drowned inside this craziness, yeah - my fellow senators are so damn crazy! I love them all :)
It was the first time for me to spend the whole night sitting in the coffee shop and play cards with my fellow senators. So, let the story begins....

jreng-jreng-jreng-jreng...
Once upon a time....
The faculty of letters were having its student election on December 6th. We, the senators, are appointed as the election supervisor (PANWASLU). Started in the morning, the election was being held, and we finished at 3.pm. We, of course, also vote for our favorite candidate of The president of BEMFA and HMJ.

Fery, Bita, and me :)

we still have a right to vote and that's what we did

After the voting booths are closed, I left and had a translation class with Mr. Arif :)

I went home to take a bath, have some meals and do houseworks. Finished with those stuffs, then I went back to the campus to see the vote-counting.
Many friends said that the vote-counting always takes a looooooooong time. usually it is finished at 2. am in the morning. Therefore, I prepared a glass of coffee and a jar of snacks.

I arrived at the campus at approximately 7 p.m. and the vote-counting were still running, and - guess what - the committee did some breakthrough to make the counting done faster!
Yeah, they divided themselves based on the amount of the voting booths. So , there were 3 rooms occupied for each voting booth to count the votes.
They can do it quickly, and they finished counting the votes at 10 p.m!
Great job, KPU FS :)

After finished the vote-counting, we announce officially that these are the winners of the students election...

Bayu Ilham Pribadi as the President of Student Executive Board

Ahmad Afwan Yazid as the head of HMJ Sastra Arab

Ahmad Fiekri Isfandiari as the head of Legato

Ahmad Zamrozi as the head of HMJ Sedesa

Bramastyo Dhieka as the head of HMJ Sastra Jerman

Wildan Taufiqur Rahman as the head of HMJ Sastra Indonesia

CONGRATS, FELLAS! YOU CAN PERFORM A GREAT WORK!

Anyway, why do there are many 'ahmad' names on you, fellas?

After the heart-touching handshaking session and the recital of Hymne FS UM, we had a supper at the veranda of D8 building. it was great to cooperate with you, KPU FS.. 

Finished with the supper, we felt like we kinda have no willing to go home directly. We still had an eager to go out and enjoy the long night. And we finally decided to go to... KOPJA!

to have a cup of coffee....

look at our tired faces, hahaha.

To tell you the truth, it was the first time for me to go out that late, hehe. Firstly I've asked a permission from my mom to have a sleepover at a friend's home, the vote-counting was my reason. 

In fact, we finished earlier and we could have a chance to enjoy the long night. It was the first time for me to spend the whole night at a roadside coffee shop and playing cards. We had a very warm chat that tighten our hearts, strengthen our bond and makes me feel blessed to have them in my life. Love y'all, senators :)

We laughed, we discussed many interesting plans to do, we did have a great time. We play cards and I mostly lose the game. I'm a newbie, guys. You ordered an alcoholic coffee and you feel okay, hahaha. For the first time I dared myself to take my friends' cigarette which is put on an asthray, I held it and I asked my friend to capture me bringing the lit-up cigarette. People who don't know will think that I'm smoking, but in fact, I'm NOT a smoker, hehe.

It was an unforgettable night...
We plan to go to bromo...
We encourage Fery to smoke (in fact, he hardly ever smokes, haha). And he did! we cheered....
Bita and Zain couldn't be defeated on the Poker game,
I shared with Ghany about my dream of having a powerful voice as what Dodo "D'cinnamons" has, and he said "It's a matter of a prenatal talent. She's gifted. You have to rehearse a lot".

It was indeed a great night and I'm eager to experience it again one day :)